Zoloft Case Won't Be Heard

The Supreme Court isn't going to hear the Zoloft case. So my sky blue pills will continue on the pricey side. That's okay. They saved my life (not literally, I was never particularly suicidal, just ... numb with sadness) and it is worth it.

I am afraid I am going to lose my job. I wasn't very productive for a few months there. It is so hard having a baby and working... so hard. And then the house on top of all of that. So, so hard. My husband doesn't do much around the house, that's okay, but still hard.

If I could, I would sleep. I would sleep and sleep and sleep. And then I would walk on a beach, just walk and walk and walk. And then I would read a book, a good book, just read and read and read. And then I would call friends, my friends who I never see or talk to, and then... on and on and on.

Things that bother me:

-I am spending too much money; I am too good at persuading myself we "need" things.
-My ex-husband doesn't like me, and he's right not to, I was horrible.
-I yelled at a colleague a couple years ago about something... I still feel badly about that.
-I live too far away from my mom.
-I have a bad relationship with my dad.
-The end of my friendship with J.
-All those sad sad images from Katrina, and now the earthquakes, and the tsunami... they won't go out of my head. I have neither time to volunteer nor cash to donate, I cannot do anything... so why can't I just let it go?
-Dead animals, especially wildlife, on the side of the road. Again, why can't I just let it go? Do I have to grieve for every one?
-I have disappointed my boss(es); one of whom is a good friend for whom I have a great deal of respect.

The last one at least I can do something about; it isn't too late to redeem myself.

Now, a harder list: Things that make me happy.

-We have a house!
-I did a great job choosing paint colors!
-Some day I will do ceramics again.
-I enjoy my job!
-I now, from having a child myself, have regained that part of my life that one loses... (because one doesn't remember being a newborn, a toddler, etc)... I know what it must have been like. So I have regained some positive impressions of my Dad, and of course am fonder of my Mom than ever.
-I am aging well, and my butt is in good shape (vanity, vanity)
-I have discovered the GTD method of productivity enhancement
-I enjoy my in-laws very much; it is dreadful not to.
-My spouse is splendid; my child is healthy and sweet and smart.
-I am at peace with my memories of my former love. Took long enough.

I have a great deal. I feel a bit better now.