Bitterness

He hasn't replied to either of my messages. I can tolerate being distanced, (indeed, I couldn't tolerate anything else) but being entirely dismissed hurts like hell. More of Andrea's odd wisdom here--I need to hear from him every so often to remember why I do NOT need him in my life. Otherwise he becomes an unattainable ideal.

And I thought that was over. I thought it was over. It so needs to be over. God. I haven't seen this man for almost ten years. I don't even know if these feelings are a chemical imbalance or a very, very important part of my life. How does one tell?

My husband remains unperturbed by this. But he isn't fully aware of how this memory tortures me. I figure, no point in upsetting him with yet another of my personal flaws. Just work on excising it.

So I take the pills. Peach-colored capsules, now, the little blue ones stopped working. By the way, the little blue ones are Zoloft--I understand that viagra also comes in little blue pills. That I don't need.